A Letter To My Muggers,
Have you ever been to Santora’s Pizza before? Did you ever eat the food there? Have you tasted the cheesy bread, and the so carefully fried and stuffed jalapeno poppers?
Did you walk into the storefront, and order from the lovely owner, who used to be a Political Science professor, and is now a gun-toting conservative, who is just trying to bring business back into the urban areas of Kansas City? Were you struck by the charm of the place, local and hole-in-the-wall-ish? Have you ever sat in the booths across from the counter, and laughed with your friends about vaguely inappropriate jokes? And have you ever been annoyed that they charge 50 cents per ranch dressing?
Or did you go when they didn’t used to charge for ranch?
Have you ever walked down main street past midnight and been afraid? Ever in your life, did you sit outside a unfamiliar restaurant and feel safe- only to have that feeling ripped from your grease-soaked-pizza fingers? Were you ever there, just waiting for a taxi to take you back home? Have you ever been mugged at gunpoint? Have you ever had a gun in your face?
Have you ever had your purse stolen? You know, the one with your cell phone, your wallet with all of your favorite fortune cookie fortunes? And with your hotel key, house key, driver’s license, library card, staff ID, and Godiva Chocolate rewards card? How much did you get for that Android, anyway? Like, $20? While it was still working, did you SnapChat any of my friends? Were you surprised when you realized there was only $30 cash in my purse? Did it amuse you when you tried to use my credit card and the charges were denied? Did it ever occur to you that AS A RESULT of you stealing my ID, I took the WORST PICTURE OF ALL TIME on my replacement ID? Or did you dump my FAVORITE BLACK PURSE in the dumpster, taking your prized $30 and old cellphone before you carjacked some poor guy at a stoplight?
Did you ever ask for a complementary cup of water while you waited for the police to show up?
Have you ever comforted the owner while he worried about how his business was going to suffer?
Have you ever seen your friend get shot? Have you ever held their hand while you waited for the ambulance to come?
Did you realize you were attacking PEOPLE, who work HARD for the things that they have? Whatever happened to you that made you think that was the answer to your problems? Were your parents mean to you? Not there for you at all? Did it occur to you that you GREATLY INCONVENIENCED the people that you mugged? That they would have to get new keys, and phones, and cards, and ways of life?
Did you know that it was our last night in Kansas City? That all of us loved and appreciated the town? But that it was ruined now?
I guess not.