A Letter To My Muggers,
Have you ever been to Santora’s Pizza before? Did you ever eat the food there? Have you tasted the cheesy bread, and the so carefully fried and stuffed jalapeno poppers?
Did you walk into the storefront, and order from the lovely owner, who used to be a Political Science professor, and is now a gun-toting conservative, who is just trying to bring business back into the urban areas of Kansas City? Were you struck by the charm of the place, local and hole-in-the-wall-ish? Have you ever sat in the booths across from the counter, and laughed with your friends about vaguely inappropriate jokes? And have you ever been annoyed that they charge 50 cents per ranch dressing?
Or did you go when they didn’t used to charge for ranch?
Have you ever walked down main street past midnight and been afraid? Ever in your life, did you sit outside a unfamiliar restaurant and feel safe- only to have that feeling ripped from your grease-soaked-pizza fingers? Were you ever there, just waiting for a taxi to take you back home? Have you ever been mugged at gunpoint? Have you ever had a gun in your face?
Have you ever had your purse stolen? You know, the one with your cell phone, your wallet with all of your favorite fortune cookie fortunes? And with your hotel key, house key, driver’s license, library card, staff ID, and Godiva Chocolate rewards card? How much did you get for that Android, anyway? Like, $20? While it was still working, did you SnapChat any of my friends? Were you surprised when you realized there was only $30 cash in my purse? Did it amuse you when you tried to use my credit card and the charges were denied? Did it ever occur to you that AS A RESULT of you stealing my ID, I took the WORST PICTURE OF ALL TIME on my replacement ID? Or did you dump my FAVORITE BLACK PURSE in the dumpster, taking your prized $30 and old cellphone before you carjacked some poor guy at a stoplight?
Did you ever ask for a complementary cup of water while you waited for the police to show up?
Have you ever comforted the owner while he worried about how his business was going to suffer?
Have you ever seen your friend get shot? Have you ever held their hand while you waited for the ambulance to come?
Did you realize you were attacking PEOPLE, who work HARD for the things that they have? Whatever happened to you that made you think that was the answer to your problems? Were your parents mean to you? Not there for you at all? Did it occur to you that you GREATLY INCONVENIENCED the people that you mugged? That they would have to get new keys, and phones, and cards, and ways of life?
Did you know that it was our last night in Kansas City? That all of us loved and appreciated the town? But that it was ruined now?
I guess not.
Yesterday I did something I have never done before. I baked a loaf of bread. And it looks like Panera. Like, I have never been so proud of something that really only took like 15 minutes.
Since I’m on this new budget kick, I decided to peruse the interwebs for different ideas to cut back. Someone had posted on Reddit that they had started baking their own bread because it was 1. cheap, 2. fresh, and 3. easy. They suggested a no-knead recipe, which I found on Pinterest.
Here’s what you need to do:
3 cups flour (I just had white but you can do whole wheat too)
1 tsp salt
1/4 tsp instant yeast
3/4 cup favorite beer (I used Michelob lime cactus because it’s what I had on hand)
3/4 cup warm water
Mix dry ingredients. With a wooden spoon or spatula, mix in beer and water. The dough should be damp and shaggy. Cover with clingwrap. I put it over the bowl and the used a rubber band to make it tight like a drum. Set in a warm spot for 18-24 hours. Drink the rest of the beer you opened. Then drink another one.
The next day, lightly flour a surface. Pull the risen dough out. Tug and stretch and then let sit for 10 minutes. Flour a dish towel, transport the dough and then cover with another dish towel. Let set for an hour and a half.
This is where you start to prepare your dutch oven. I don’t have one of those, so I covered the inside of my crockpot with aluminum foil and set in the oven while it pre-heated to 450. I pulled it out, put the dough in, recovered and baked for 30 mins. After 30 minutes, pull dutch oven out, uncover and bake for 15-20 more mins. Let sit then remove breadloaf to cool further. Impress ya frandz.
1. Eat with Lazy Girl’s Ravioli Lasagna and box wine.
2. Share with friends.
3. Watch Breaking Bad (can you believe there’s only 4 episodes left? :( )
4. Save for breakfast the next day.
The best thing about this bread is that you can add a bunch of stuff to it. I’m thinking jalapeños and cheddar!
Fall is my best time. Happy September.
I typed the entry to this post like 20 minutes ago but then I started watching Stick It on ABC Family and this blog post lay abandoned. Now that I have pulled myself away from such riveting television, I can start to formulate my thoughts into a blog post.
First of all, I have gotten so many texts/tweets/emails from my friends that read this blog offering their support/wine/friendship and that means a lot. It has been a rough August and 2013 hasn’t quite gone my way. But God has already shown his hand on my life and faithfulness with a significant raise at work and a key lime donut. His timing is perfect. Right when I need it and not a second before.
There’s a reason that I don’t talk a lot about money on this blog and it’s because I’m Literally So Bad At Budgeting. As in, I do not have one, and have not had one, literally ever. Being mugged and looking at my accounts and wanting to feel safe and secure, I have decided to start hardcore budgeting. I want to have freedom to do whatever I want and stop spending my money on dumb stuff like hamburgers and vodka. I want to have the freedom to quit my job and start buying storage units at auction if I so choose to do so. I feel called to be intentional about the money I work hard for and learn how to fit a budget into my life.
This is the first step of my 12-step program (not the 12 step program you know but the one I’m implementing into my life. I haven’t figured out the other steps yet). This is a biggie though. I am so used to having whatever I want whenever I want and being self restrictive is not one of my finer points. But we’re working on it. I will be sharing my tips and tricks here, and the ugly side of PTSD of being mugged (I’m starting to blame everything on that) which includes staying in on a Friday night couponing and eating a homemade burrito bowl (just as good as Chipotle!)
Part of my new becoming an adult thing is that I need to start planning more, meal planning. Most of my money goes to forgetting to grab breakfast or lunch and then spending $18 for a cheeseburger at the on-campus foodcourt. One thing that I did last week was make 7 breakfast burritos and freeze them to take to work and eat at my desk while checking my email. Here’s the recipe:
1 carton egg whites (I got southwestern flavor)
1/2 can of black beans (you can use whole can but tbh black beans freak me out so I’m slowing trying to incorporate them)
1/2 red onion (probably will omit this next time)
block of Pepperjack cheese (freshly shredded, makes a difference)
Franks hot sauce (because, really you need this on everything)
Whole wheat tortillas
Brown the onion and when they are a little soft, add your carton of eggwhites. Scramble, and when almost done, add black beans. Microwave tortillas 15 seconds before building burrito. Fill, add cheese and hotsauce or whatever you want. I will probably add breakfast sausage next time. Wrap in clingwrap and then foil. Microwave 1:30 in clingwrap.
Now you don’t have to eat PB&J for breakfast! (like I usually do)
So obviously preparing breakfast before hand is a major milestone in my life. This blog is about to get wild.